Jaumear

I wander aimlessly through the street.
Sang verses in my ears,
memories of better times.
We all know the taste
of tears.
Not all know the meaning
of happiness.
I select the parts of the people
who pass along that light me up:
a smile,
sensual lips,
eyes which observe intead of looking,
giant steps for little minds,
ogres laughing like children,
soft caress fingers,
voice tones,
legs swinging desire
and distant places
explored long time ago.
I look, scan, observe,
I grit my teeth and allow myself to dream.
I am you and him and us.
No, us never was.
I broke hearts, slept with no will
and went to bed with princesses and dragons.
Sometimes simultaneously.
Some others not.
Shows through the corner of my eye
the back of a wandering hand.
It is my hand.
I see it but I don’t realise
because now yours is not hugging mine.
People keeps passing by around me.
All alien to my misfortune, my glory,
my nothing.
If I die now, nothing will change.
I could have changed so many things
while still alive.
I could have loved you better
and my hand wouldn’t be orphaned now.
I could have realised
after selecting separated parts of the world,
the whole created is worse than your whole.
I could have missed you less
and gived you more of myself instead.
I could have…
Wait… I’m alive!
Oh, but if I am, the conditional form dies
and the present is born and so is the will for change.
Do I want to change?
I want to love you. Can you let me?